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Inflatable Movie Screens in Sky Mall Shopping Guide
SO I WAS DRIVING down the freeway the other day, reading the newspaper, checking my e-mail, texting, changing lanes, watching TV and worrying about health care reform, when it dawned on me that it’s never too early to start Christmas shopping.
So I used my other hand to pull out the most fantastic thing in the history of the known universe that doesn’t have Velcro attached: the Sky Mall magazine they put in the seat pocket on airplanes.
I was so enthralled with mine on a recent trip that I carefully, cleverly sneaked it into my carry-on bag while no one was looking. I had to have this wonderful piece of literature filled with a treasure trove of high-performance, boldly styled goodies that can be bought through the mail. Even if I had to break the law to get it, it would be mine. Besides, authority doesn’t scare a worldly thrill-seeker like myself.
Then my wife pointed out United Airlines tells you to take Sky Mall with you — in big letters, right there on the cover.
Well, there went all the fun out of my heist. But upon further review, I realized nothing can take all the fun out of a Sky Mall magazine. I’m going to do all this year’s Christmas shopping from that one little magazine of wonder
For example, somebody’s getting a pair of truck antlers for $24.99. You stick an antler on one side of the cab, an antler
on the other and bingo! You have “… antlers on your truck. Because, like Sky Mall says, having just one horn on your truck just isn’t enough. HA! Sky Mall cracks me up.
I know a couple people who could use the X5 Hair Laser. With only three 10-15 minute treatments per week, guys with thinning air can regain that “Rockin’ the Krokus tribute band” (my words, not theirs) look in no time. Although you’d think, for $299, they’d include an optional fire extinguisher. We are talking about middle-aged men and lasers.
Water works
Here’s one I might buy for myself — a remote-controlled, 100-foot water cannon. You can control it from 30 feet away. Every time you hear that kid with the motorcycle breaking the sound barrier on your street, you can let him have it. It would also be a safe and easy way to keep that guy from picking through your recyclables at night.
I don’t think I need to make a case for the marshmallow gun with an LED targeting sight, the upside-down tomato garden, the 10-foot inflatable movie screen, the spiked, aerating lawn shoes, or the be-your-own acupuncturist kit. And just about anyone would love the anti-migraine helmet, the Orbitor Listening Device that can record conversations from 300 feet away, or the sunglasses that allow you to watch movies on the inside lens.
But the Spyer Agent Watch? That one goes on my Christmas list right now. It contains a secret hidden camcorder, perfect for parties when you want to ratchet up the fun by showing your friends just what they really think of each other.
And if anyone out there always has wanted their guests to do a double take as they admire your creative home or garden style, a Bigfoot garden sculpture would do the trick. Later, in case the guests wonder who’s doing the cooking, you can brand your initials on their steak with the BBQ Branding Iron.
It’s going to be a Sky Mall holiday at my house. I just hope my wife really wants shoes that double as swim fins.
